Category: Joke Board
EXCITING PRESS RELEASE FROM FREEDOM SCIENTIFIC
"Do It Yourself" Program Launched
St. Petersberg, FL - April 27, 2007
Freedom Scientific, the market leader of assistive technology for the
blind and visually impaired, today announced a program designed to
spark the daring and intellect of their entire user base.
"An exciting kickoff to our new program was seen with the release of
JAWS 8.0," says a Freedom Scientific insider. "Do-it-Yourself means
we feel that our customers should not be held back by excessive
training materials and documentation. It destroys the imagination and
the intellect. We felt, for instance, that our training material
should be more challenging to traverse. New users of JAWS 8 will
experience this excitement in several new and enlightening ways:
firstly, they will not receive any instructions on the 'Getting
Started' cassette about how to actually install JAWS. They will also
have the brilliant challenges of: not being told how to switch their
systems to Classic view; the need to learn an entirely new FS product,
namely FS Reader, just to access the training materials; and several
other glorious and motivating tasks."
When the Vice President of hardware product management arrived in his
personal Lemousine this morning (Freedom Scientific awards their
entire staff such luxuries because they can afford to, since closing
down their bug-fixing department", we asked him whether these exciting
plans were being put forth to the PAC Mate.
"Oh, absolutely!" he exclaimed excitedly. "In the past, we've already
rewarded our users bonuses such as the need to run two separate
installers for our GPS package; given them the challenge of backing up
their full PAC Mates prior to full battery depletion to avoid losing
valuable data; and providing them web support akin to...JAWS 4.51.
With the next generation of PAC Mate, users will experience our new
plans in more ways than one. Firstly, we really believe that getting
too much stuff for free seriously cuts down on one's inspiration for
getting out there in the work world and making money. I am seriously
angry at Humanware for throwing in bonuses like the DAISY reader,
high-quality audio recorder, gaming package, MP3-capable streaming and
a database manager into their product for free. Once again, I am
horrified that Humanware thinks users would actually want this kind of
thing for free. That's why, deeply hidden in our PAC Mate manual, you
will find links to third-party products like this that you must pay
for, including our brilliantly sluggish DAISY reader which costs over
a hundred bucks! I also talked to numerous students who were annoyed
that their former BrailleNotes enabled them to get work done too
efficiently. It was cutting back on the amount of extensions and
sympathy that their teachers were dishing out. That's why I urge all
of them to switch to an open platform--namely, the PAC Mate--which has
been made extra sluggish as you move documents around and move through
them."
When our reporters visited the FS headquarters, we learned that
Freedom Scientific is really full of a glorious sense of fun! Unlike
the BrailleNote, which wastes time developing their word processor or
calculator to support proper Nemeth, FS has given their time over to
much more productive things, such as a remote control application.
Don't we all love holding our PAC Mate in one hand up to the TV and
hitting a button on it with the other hand?
Damn them!!!!
lol Becky. not bad. where'd you find it?
Someone sent it to me. I thought it was serious at first. LOL
as did I. Fits their customer no-service to a T! lol
Well, as a real hater of FS, this is awesome, I have many friends who will enjoy it, so thanks.
I think it is true. Sadly, it isn't very far from it for sure. Sure, u can use the crap mate for msn and all that other shit, but you have to reset it every 3 hours. No thanks!!!
i like it. lol...thanks
lol, thought it was serious at first too.
I lvoe my pacmate. THank you very much. Lol.
I know fs are shite at clistening to their user base, especially in the UK. the problems I've had with jaws eight have only just got sorted! the first post here might have been a joke, but fs's bug fixing policy is not.
I meant fs's bug fixing policy is a jokee. I meant to preview the post and hit the wrong button arhrhrhrhrhrhrhg!
LOL. I thought this was serious news at first, too, but, like others have already said, this isn't too far from the truth, though, and that's very unfortunate.
Like many others, I thought it was serious at first, and was wondering "where's the news" "what is new about this?"
Still wondering.
GwMicro could put out a similar article, with the added "advantage" that they can take seemingly easy to understand help topics and make them impossible to understand.
Come to think of it, that could apply to both companies.
Thanks Becky.
Bob